it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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