he shaved USA in his pubs
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
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coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
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But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone