Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship