Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.