ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
