i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
