Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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