I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
