she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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