we have pet lesbian snakes
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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