Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
