I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
