You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
this hospital has no fireball
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
