My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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