Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
