The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
