Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
cat food counts as protein by the way
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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