we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
