So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
