The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
not ubering you a puppy
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
