I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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