I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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