I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
