she was so not down for the gang bang
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
