WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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