You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
