not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize