Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
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It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
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I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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