So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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