Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
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she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
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I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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