I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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