i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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