hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
