Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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