Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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