You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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