So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
