ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
wow bdsm is so cute
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
