You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
hell yes lets make some ravioli
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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