Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
