EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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