Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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