Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
