If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize