It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
3 2 1 whiskey
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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