I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
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smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
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I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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