i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
