hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I supernannyed him into submission
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
