Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
