I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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