I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
