I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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