sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
