dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
