yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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