Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
