i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
