he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
