if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
